English Lads - Review |
Uncut Amateur EnglishLads is the British tagline of English Lads.com, a site featuring Britain’s finest in all their uncut glory. If you’ve ever had a hankering for fish and chips and wanted your fish to resemble shaft and your chips to take on the look of big, hairy balls, then you’ve ordered the right dish. England may not be known for having perfect teeth, but these English Lads are the perfect 10.
With your paid membership, (a very decent $29.95; not sure what that is in shillings, but it’s pretty damn reasonable!) you are granted access to 70,000 photos showing these young hotties doing solo work, doubling up and group circle jerking sessions. At last count, you’re looking at 180+ movies clocking in at over 30 minutes each. All exclusive content from the country that brings you the BBC – Big Bad Cock!
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If the preview is any indication; the buck to cock ratio is fucking outstanding. You’re given thumbnails of the boys inside with all their pertinent penis-like information. You’re given his stats which include his age, height, eyes, chest size, waist size and an “interesting fact”. Some of these factoids include “describes himself as a slut” or “love’s riding European sausage” or my favorite, “ Stars in Basic Instinct 2”. Now, that has to be a joke since the movie sucked harder then any of the fun boys on this site.
When you click on the preview boy of your choice, you’re not just given a thumbnails’ eye view, but a pretty big picture to download. You’re also given at least a dozen other shots of him shooting his load… all in the preview section. Nice touch. The site always tells you how many online photo shoots were taken with that particular model and how many and how long their movies are. Just tell me how long his uncut dong is. That’s plenty enough information for me.
Once inside the main members’ area, navigation is a snap. All the boys are rounded up in alphabetical order and the same way the preview section was laid out, the main page is as well. And if you remembered the name of the tour section boy, just find him, alphabetically.
My choice was Rocco, who was hard as fucking rock in his photo and video sets. He’s listed as 22, 5 foot 10 and 72kgs. Now, I’m no metric genius, but I do know this from years of working out in the gym that each kilo is actually 2.2 pounds. So, if you want to know his weight in American terms, stop whipping out your own cock to rub one out and whip out your handy calculator. Personally, I didn’t care enough to do the computations, especially after I noticed his listed “cock size” (something not mentioned in the preview section) was 9 or more inches. Yes, please!
He also had this accompanying blurb to add to his allure:
Rocco will be known to anyone who watched the TV series Bad Lads Army. He was a popular recruit, very happy to show off his body! After he finished the series he did an interview for NOW magazine and mentioned he’d like to try porn…Quite a few of you picked up on that article, brought it my attention and the rest is history. Rocco is full of confidence and energy, combine that with his relaxed attitude about getting naked and you will see a fantastic performance! …not forgetting he is str8 and proud of showing his huge cock!
Straight my ass, but it doesn’t really matter. I don’t know much about British TV or magazines, but I do know Rocco can rock my world whenever the mood strikes.
The photo sections mostly show off these English lads doing solo stuff or masturbation scenes. I would have preferred something of a more hard core nature, but that’s what using one’s imagination is all about. You can view the pictures in either small format (450X600) or large (750X1000). All of the pictures are downloadable and are pretty damn clear. The videos showcased more solo stuff and some decent guy on guy action. The movies are only available in QuickTime format. Which sucks, because I much better prefer DivX or MPG. For my 30 bucks paid to enter, this should be something looked into. The movies are presented at 300kps and open up to a screen of 320X240. All are downloadable.
Updates happen thrice weekly and also include a nifty newsletter. You can also vote for your preferred English lad and hope the other felt the same way so they can bring ‘em back alive.
Conclusion
I’ve always had a hankering for all things British. Those accents, those teeth and that show Coronation Street. There’s nothing better than watching some young, English twink caressing his uncut gnob while sounding like something out of a Shakespearean play. If you like bad teeth and good cock, then these British Lads will NOT disappoint!
Price: $29.95 for 30 days; recurs at $24.95 a month; 180 days for $69.95 recurring.
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